What!
by Yasona Black
Summary: What happens when Jack, Daniel, Vala, Sam, Cam, and Teal’c all go to Las Vegas? The same thing that happens to everyone else! Since when does that happen? Is it D&V? S&J? S&C? Teal'c? How are they going to explain to General Landry?
1. In Which They Wake Up

Title: What??  
Rating: PG-13 or T  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of SG-1, or anybody else from the show.  
Summary: What happens when Jack, Daniel, Vala, Sam, Cam, and Teal'c all go to Las Vegas? The same thing that happens to everyone else! Since when does that happen?  
A/N: This is my first SG-1 fanfiction where I include more than Daniel and Vala. If the characters are OOC, please let me know. Also, (this is going to sound weird) I don't know that much about the effects of alcohol, having never experienced it personally, so the information about it, is a little bland. Any comments or help would be appreciated!

The bed was luxurious, his groggy brain informed him. But his brain changed his mind, the minute he started to pull himself up, and a sharp pain lanced through his head. He tried pulling the blanket closer to him, tugging hard, and giving up, when the fluffy light blanket wouldn't give.

_Fluffy?_ Daniel scrunched his eyes, and ran his hands up to his face. He shook his head, and fruitlessly tossed the blanket aside. He looked down and frowned. He always wore more clothes than that to bed. In fact, he normally wore _something_ to bed…Coffee. He needed coffee. He walked over to the shiny red coffee pot across the hotel room, and started to decipher the buttons. He saw a flash of gold as he moved his hand back from the machine, and froze. He hesitantly pulled his hand closer, and suddenly became the very essence of statuesque, stock-still with his hands hovering above the modern coffee pot. And he hadn't even had his coffee yet…

* * *

Sam hugged her teddy bear closer to her; the one she had had since she was five. It had been a birthday present from her father before he left for a while. She had lost it ages ago, but now it was there, right with her, all nice, and big and cuddly. And warm and smooth. It smelled like cinnamon, and Sam nestled her head into the bear, feeling its smooth skin and soft hair…That wasn't right. Fuzzy McNally was a little coarse, and the hair completely covered it. The tie, the tie would prove it. Fuzzy McNally had a bright green tie attached to its front. Sam rubbed her hand on its belly. Its muscular, rock-hard abs of steel belly. Not a stuffing pot-belly…

"You're not Fuzzy McNally," she remarked sleepily, still rubbing her hand against the chest.

"Who's Fuzzy McNally?" The obviously not a bear named Fuzzy McNally turned to face her.

* * *

Jack was sprawled across the oversized armchair, one leg hanging over the purple-flowered upholstered arm, and his other arm still clutching a bottle of beer that hung precariously close to the floor. He snorted in his sleep and dropped the bottle, which landed with a resounding thunk. He woke and jumped up, staggered, and clutched his head.

"Oh boy…"he remarked. Jack looked curiously at the bed kitty-corner from him. Teal'c was settled on the bed, his impassive body looking remarkably…big…

Jack rubbed his eyes, and then looked at his hand. Then rubbed his eyes again and repeated the gesture. "Oh shit."

* * *

"What are you doing in my room?" Vala asked Daniel.

Daniel slowly turned around, the backs of his hands towards her.

"Have you always had that ring?" Vala asked playfully, twirling a lock of hair. Her head ached slightly, but not as much as it most likely should've had.

"No. No I haven't," Daniel snapped.

Vala raised her arms in defense. "Hey, no need to get all fussy!"

Daniel continued. "It wasn't there yesterday morning! Before we got here!"

"Well go to your wife's room and act all fussy with her! There's no need to take it out on me!"

"This. Is. Where. I. Woke. Up." Daniel grounded out. He _really_ needed coffee. Without a doubt, surely, and unbelievably, he needed the stupid coffee pot to hurry up and finish his coffee. It was taking far too long for such a modern machine.

Vala stopped, and stared at Daniel. She snapped her mouth shut, and looked at her hand. "That's a big rock. Pretty. Definitely pretty," she said calmly, a small smile on her face.

Daniel started to bang his head on the wall, but grimaced as it arc towards it, and he changed his mind. The coffee pot had started to beep. Finally. Coffee.

* * *

There had been many things that Cam had been called when he woke up in bed with a strange girl. Fuzzy McNally wasn't even close to any of them. Of course, there was that time, when he had been labeled as Mr. GI Joe Barbie…But that was another story.

"Who's Fuzzy McNally?" he asked as he turned to the girl next to him. He had never bit his tongue so hard in his life. "Sam!" he shouted as he struggled to get away from her. Away. Away. He rolled off the bed, pulling the sheets with him, and startling Sam fully awake.

Sam screeched. "Ohmigod!"

Cam cocked his head amidst the jumble of white sheets. "Really? That's the first time you sounded like a girl!"

Sam glared at him. And suddenly she looked unbelievably worried.

"What?" Cam asked.

Sam slowly raised a shaking hand, and twiddled her ring finger.

"Well that's not good…" Cam said slowly.

* * *

"Hey, Teal'c. Buddy, wake up," Jack hissed in the Jaffa's ear. "We've got a problem."

Teal'c's eyes snapped open, and he slowly dragged himself up off the bed. "What sort of problem, O'Neill?"

"The problem where I'm married to someone I don't know kind," Jack said, as if he were discussing the weather in a different state.

Teal'c lifted his hand. "I do believe I have the same problem O'Neill."

* * *

A/N: There are maybe one or two more chapters to come. Perhaps more if I feel more inspired. Please Review!


	2. In Which Daniel and Vala Mostly Yell

Title: What??  
Rating: PG-13 or T  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of SG-1, or anybody else from the show.  
Summary: What happens when Jack, Daniel, Vala, Sam, Cam, and Teal'c all go to Las Vegas? The same thing that happens to everyone else! Since when does that happen?

* * *

Chapter Two: In Which Daniel and Vala mostly yell at each other.

"How can you be so calm?!" Daniel shouted in frustration, wincing as his own voice cut through his head.

"Because you gave me a really nice ring," Vala answered in all due modesty tone.

"Oh yes! I gave you a nice ring! Is that all you care about? Pretty little treasures and keepsakes? Don't even worry about what it means behind anything. As long as you can sell it!"

"You know, if you're going to be so angry and all over the place, you might want to put some clothes on," Vala said offhandedly.

There were no words to come out of Daniels mouth, his mouth gaped and his face turned unhealthy shades of crimson and purple as he ran around the room trying to find his clothes. Unfortunately they were strewn all over the room; he found his pants on an armchair, his t-shirt on the floor by the wooden dresser, but his boxers were nowhere to be seen.

Vala took this as a high-time to strike back. "There are other things I care about you know! Just because you're too dim-witted to notice, there are quite a few things I'd rather not sell. In fact, if you would just take your head out of your books, you might actually notice that there are people in the world. Ones that exist right in front of you.

Struggling to pull his pants on, Daniel had a hard time understanding what Vala had just told him. "What?" he asked.

"I don't want to sell the ring."

Daniel opened his mouth to say something, but he wasn't having much luck with trying to talk without looking like a fool, and there was a banging on the door.

"Daniel! We know you're in there! We heard you from down the hall! Open up!"

"Hold on!" Daniel said, as he raced to put on his shirt. Decently dressed, he opened the door.

"Jack," Daniel said.

"Daniel!" Jack shouted joyously. He glanced at Daniel's chest, and then looked him in the eye. "You know your shirt's on inside out?"

Daniel groaned and Jack pushed into the room. "Vala! I've heard so much about you." He sat down on the bed ignoring the small fact that Vala had the bed sheets wrapped around her upper body. Teal'c stood in the doorway, arms folded, watching the scene before him.

"Vala, let me tell you, I adore you with him. Makes him so much more…human," Jack said to Vala. "Hey Daniel!" Jack shouted.

"We are in the same room, Jack," Daniel said pointedly.

"Doesn't matter. But why won't you let this poor girl get dressed? I know she's the best action you've had in quite a few years, but when you have company over, it is polite to let your girlfriend be decent," Jack said with a grin.

"Actually it's wife," Vala said teasingly.

Daniel glared.

Jack looked from Daniel to Vala and back again. "Ah good, you two are in almost the same boat."

"I do not believe there is a boat here, O'Neill."

"Figure of speech, Teal'c."

"What do you mean?" Daniel asked.

"That the boat example is a figure of speech, you should know," Jack said.

"Not that! You two got married too?"

"Well, not to each other! At least…I don't think so. Neither of us are sure who we got hitched with. And that's bound to be a problem somewhere down the line…"

"There is a problem! Right now!" Daniel shouted.

"Daniel thinks that this is a problem. Right now," Vala said to Jack.

"Really?" Jack asked. "Out of all of us, you two should be the best off. I mean, you both like each other, there's no military stations to keep you away, and hey! Where's Sam and Cam?"

"You know, with Sam and Cam fitted together, they make 'Scam'," Vala said.

Daniel pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"I do believe there is a great chance that Colonel Carter and Colonel Mitchell may be together," Teal'c said stoically.

Jack's eyes flashed and he gritted his hands together.

"Jack, you're looking quite perturbed," Daniel said calmly. "Perhaps you should take a deep breath, and," he was cut off.

"Perhaps you should take a deep breath! I don't see why you have such a problem, being married to me! I mean, it feels, it feels," then she was cut off by Jack, who was talking really loud.

"You really think they could be together T?" he asked.

"Indeed."

"Well, what about them? That nutso brigade next to us?"

"I cannot say."

Both Daniel's and Vala's head snapped towards Teal'c. Their faces twinned in a sort of frustrated curiosity.

"Whaddya mean by that, Teal'c?"

Teal'c only gave a slight nod of his head.

"The ship," Vala breathed.

"What ship?" Jack asked.

The room was silent.

"What ship?!"

"The one we were on for like fifty years," Daniel said slowly. "Teal'c said there was a possibility that Sam and Cameron could end up together, but he won't say anything about us."

"Meaning," Vala began.

"That Sam and Cam never ended up together on the ship, but we did," Daniel finished.

"That may or may not be right," Teal'c said.

"Aw c'mon! I am so right! That has to be why!" Daniel shouted.

"Perhaps, Daniel Jackson, you just don't like to be wrong."

"Now you see how I felt when he wouldn't tell me anything," Vala shot at Daniel.

Daniel rolled his eyes. "That's because you wouldn't. Shut. Up."

"Well, I'm sorry for being curious!" Vala huffed and threw her hands up in exasperation. She threw back the sheets, and stood up.

"Hey! Those are my boxers!" Daniel yelled.

"Hey, they are," Jack agreed. Everyone took a moment to stare at Jack. "What? So I remembered he had green and blue plaid boxers! It doesn't mean anything!"

"Why do you have my boxers?! I've been looking for those!"

Jack got off the bed and joined Teal'c. "You know," he whispered, "I think we might want to leave before we start seeing a porno right in front of us."

"If by saying porno, you mean that Daniel Jackson and Vala MalDoran once again completing the mating rituals of Homo sapiens through sexual intercourse, then yes, I do believe we need to leave."

They left, Teal'c in all his unbelievable stoicism, and Jack shaking his head in disbelief.

"What do you want?!" Vala shouted.

"I want my boxers!"

"Fine!" Vala slid the boxers down her legs and threw them at Daniel.

Flustered, Daniel grabbed them, but stared at Vala, mainly at her uncovered parts. "That's! That's! That's not what I meant!"

"You said you want your boxers!" Vala shouted with her hands on her hips. "So I gave you your boxers!"

"For the love of god! Put some clothes on!"

Vala smirked, and started to weave around. Daniel cringed and pulled his eyes to the floor, his boxers still gripped in his hands.

Vala stopped. "Am I really that repulsive to you?" she asked sadly.

"No! Just put some clothes on!"

"I am, aren't I?" Vala slowly started to search for her clothes.

"No," Daniel said quietly. "I think…I think you're,"

"I'm what? Crazy? Annoying? Loud? Irritating? Pain in the ass?"

"Yes! But that's not what I was going to say."

"Then what were you going to say? Be a man, Daniel! Just suck it up and say it!"

"I was going to say that I thought you were beautiful. But then you interrupted me."

"You think I'm pretty?" Vala asked hesitantly.

"No. I think you're beautiful," Daniel answered, sitting on the bed, opening his arms. Vala walked over to the bed and sat down next to him. Daniel pulled her close to him. "Did you really want to keep the ring?"

"Only if we can do it right. I mean, if we have a honeymoon night that we can actually remember, instead of just assume we did something…"

"I like that idea," Daniel said.

--

A/N: Okay, well I went off on a whole tangent that I wasn't expecting. Sorry if this chapter wasn't all that humorous, but next chapter it should be better. Jack and Teal'c will meet Sam and the not a bear named Fuzzy McNally, Jack and Teal'c will find out who they're married to, or will they? And we'll discover if Daniel and Vala stay behind the doors of the hotel room, or be too pissed off and give up.

Please Review!


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